


let's make this night last forever

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Series: Four-Color Love (A Comic Book Romance) [2]
Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 09:26:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/835341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuart and Raj's first date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let's make this night last forever

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to afullmargin for the beta. The Big Bang Theory characters are not mine and I am not making any financial profit from this story.

Stuart expects things to be weird or uncomfortable the next time that Raj comes into the store, but Raj just ambles in with Howard, Sheldon, and Penny like nothing’s happened, and Stuart is relieved. He feels too old for this sexuality questioning shit. But no, it’s like any Wednesday night (except for Penny’s presence instead of Leonard’s); the four of them spread out around the store and Stuart gets on with unpacking delivery boxes that arrived late.

“Want a hand?”

Stuart jerks and the point of the box cutter gashes his thumb. “Fuck!” he blurts without thinking about it.

“Oh shit,” Raj says, and he catches Stuart’s hand between his, lifting it to examine the damage. His hands are warm and distracting. Stuart digs through the drawer under the cash register, finds a Band-Aid, and then realizes he can’t open it one-handed. Raj lets go of his hand, takes the Band-Aid away before he can react, and opens it, his brows furrowed in a little look of concentration. He wraps it just tight enough around Stuart’s thumb and then lifts his gaze to give Stuart a mischievous look just before laying a kiss on Stuart’s thumb. Watching him do so, even more than feeling the press of his lips, sends a tingle right through Stuart, starting at his thumb and ending... well.

For a second they’re just staring at each other. Stuart’s mind is all garbled thoughts about Raj’s eyes and mouth and hands, but while they’re racing thoughts they’re not distorted beyond control like in a panic attack. Raj’s fingers tighten almost imperceptibly on his, and Stuart is suddenly very tempted to lean across the counter and kiss him. He can imagine Raj’s lips soft and yielding under his, this time not sloppy with alcohol.

Raj lets go of his hand and the spell breaks. Stuart can hear Howard now, calling Raj’s name from the back room, and from the tone of it he’s been calling a few times. Raj gives him a rueful little look and goes. Stuart’s relieved; it gives him time to start breathing (and thinking) properly again before Penny and Sheldon come over. And they do, Sheldon demanding to know where the latest _X-Men_ is, so Stuart has to find the relevant box and open it, wary of the box cutter. Then Howard has manga to ring up and immediately block from Stuart’s mind (although he’s pretty sure that nothing involving tentacles is going to fly with Bernadette).

At last Raj is in front of him again and manages to rub his thumb over Stuart’s palm when he pays for his comics. There’s a hunger in his eyes that Stuart recognizes very well; the necessity of touch to human beings is something he remembers his sister preaching about from her psychology textbook.

When he hands Raj his change, he lets his fingertips skate down to Raj’s wrist and rest on his pulse point for just a second. Let Raj think what he will of the gesture; judging by the way his pulse jumps and settles, he takes it the way Stuart intended it. He’s very aware of the way his own heart has accelerated.

“Rajesh, hurry up, you’ll make us late for Halo night,” Sheldon says imperiously. Raj gives Stuart another rueful little look, says, “I hope your thumb heals soon,” and is off out the door before Stuart can loosen his tongue enough to say goodbye.

Well. At the very least, this is cutting into the monotony of his daily life, and more than that – more than that, Stuart’s not sure about yet. He experimentally asks his brain what it thinks about all of this. Emotional attraction: these days his emotions are less scattered than they sometimes are, but there’s something in the looks that Raj keeps giving him, a little shy, a little needy, that is quite appealing. Mental attraction: that part of his brain that insists he’s straight is rapidly being drowned out by the part that remembers a) Raj kissing him outside the store and b) going through part of high school, all of college, and a chunk of time afterward debating his sexuality, sometimes on his own and sometimes with the help of others. (Also in 2004, after seeing ads for _Kinsey_ and googling the relevant test. From memory, he was about a 1.5 at the time.) Physical attraction: he’s felt enough of Raj’s lips, tongue, and hands to be at least a little interested in pursuing this – whatever it is.

He’s coasting along so well that come closing time when he finally gets to the storage room and realizes that he missed his morning meds he’s only mildly annoyed at himself instead of on the verge of an anxiety attack. Missing one dose isn’t the end of the world. Missing more might be, though, so he takes his evening meds with half a glass of flat Coke and sits down on the edge of his single bed to pull off his shoes and socks.

The next thought that comes to mind is, _Did Raj already like me when we were living together?_

He’d started out on the couch; migrated to the bed one night when he’d passed out on the bathroom floor out of sheer exhaustion and Raj had tucked him into the big bed beside him. They’d just taken it for granted after that, Raj on the left and Stuart on the right, far enough apart to not be weird (or any weirder than two friends sharing a bed could get, anyway), but close enough to feel each other’s warmth. He can imagine waking up in that bed and rolling over to kiss Raj all too well. If he hadn’t gotten fiercely independent out of nowhere and insisted on going back to being alone, he could be there right now.

His phone shrills its message tone and Stuart reaches out for it where it lies on the thin blanket. Soon it’s going to be too hot for blankets. A there-and-gone thought flashes across his mind—

_I wonder what Raj wears to bed in summer?_

—accompanied by the mental image of bare caramel limbs entangled in the navy blue sheets he last saw on Raj’s bed.

He’s got a strange feeling spreading through him. It takes him a minute to place it, his hand arrested mid-air reaching for his phone, but then he has it: it’s desire. Funny; he’d thought that the double whammy of depression and anxiety had killed that part of him, but apparently not. It’s not like he’s all of a sudden dealing with raging arousal, but he can’t deny that he’s definitely feeling something.

He finally gets a hold of himself and picks up his phone. It’s a message from Raj, asking if he’s free for dinner and _Iron Man 3_ , Raj’s treat, on Friday night. Stuart immediately abandons all his plans to sit at home and do nothing and texts back _See you here after work?_

_KK :-)_ comes the response a second after he sends it.

So. This is actually happening. He’s going on a date. With a guy. He’s going on a _date_.

So much for college “phases”.

He still feels wound up and reaches for a sketchbook and pencil. Even with the meds he hasn’t drawn in a long while; he keeps telling himself it’s just because he’s busy running the store, but really he’s been putting it off in case he _can’t_.

After half an hour all he’s drawn is the same set of eyes several times. Raj’s eyes. Even in gray and white instead of color they’ve got depth and a light in them that he’s looking forward to seeing in person again.

 

Raj turns up fifteen minutes before closing time on Friday night and there’s something weird about him – weirder than usual, anyway. Stuart only figures it out after ten minutes of watching Raj mooch around the Transformers display: he’s dressed up. Like, not cosplay dressed up, but he’s ditched the sweater-vest in favor of a dark green shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows and dark brown chinos. His hair looks gelled and when he finally sidles over to the counter Stuart can smell his cologne, something earthy and rich. Stuart’s in his usual ensemble of jeans, t-shirt, and plaid flannel shirt, and feels like he’s underdressed.

“Hey.” Raj leans against the counter.

“Um. Hi. Give me a minute to cash out.” Stuart drops a roll of quarters and miscounts the twenties twice and then flees to the storage room, cash tray in hand. He closes the door, wrestles his shirt and t-shirt off, and pulls out a white shirt, the only one that’s ironed. The first time he tries to button it he misses by one and has to redo them, fingers jabbing the buttons through the holes. His hair is a disaster that he tries to comb back into place with his fingers and fails.

He can’t stop _smiling_ the whole time. For the first time in a long time he’s going on a _date_. One where he’s fairly sure that his date’s boyfriend won’t turn up halfway through to assert his relationship status.

Unless Howard’s got a bone to pick, anyway.

He’s still smiling when he gets back out to Raj. Raj takes his hand and pulls him in for a kiss on the cheek, then looks at him and sort of frowns.

“You got changed.”

“I figured I could do better than work clothes for you,” Stuart says a little giddily.

“And you just happened to have that in back? You’re living in the storage room again, aren’t you?”

“Yes. I... yes.”

“You told me you’d found a new place.” Now he looks disappointed and Stuart can feel his smile fade.

“Well, I did.”

Raj sighs. “Are you always going to be this exasperating?”

Stuart can feel the smile sneaking back onto his face in spite of everything. “If I can get away with it, yeah.”

Raj laughs at that and gives him a quick, relatively chaste kiss on the mouth. “Come on, you. We’ve got a dinner reservation.” He tugs lightly on Stuart’s hand. “I hope Thai’s okay.”

“Thai’s good.” The way he feels right now, Raj could’ve suggested McDonald’s and that would be good as well.

 

As far as first dates go (well, it’s their first if he doesn’t count the other not-exactly-date times they’ve been out together on Raj’s dime) it’s a good one. Stuart savors it all, from the feeling of Raj’s palm against his as they step out of the store, to their shared slow goodnight kisses at the end of the night.

But there’s also everything in between. There’s chicken pad thai for him and red curry beef for Raj and both of them grabbing for their drinks after trying the beef. Stuart looks around when Raj feeds him the forkful of meat, but although they’re the only gay – bi? not-straight? – couple in the restaurant, nobody’s giving them so much as a sideways glance. He still declines a second mouthful though; he’s reasonably sure his tongue is actually on fire.

Naturally, fated because he’s wearing a white shirt, he ends up knocking his water glass over, splashing the left side of his chest, a few drops running right down to his belt. He curses and Raj offers him a napkin; he doesn’t miss the way Raj’s gaze fixes on the damp fabric clinging to his skin.

“Do you want to go back and change?”

“No, we’ll miss the movie. It’s only water.”

“Hmmm,” says Raj, and then misses his mouth on the next bite of food, and Stuart has to bite his lip against a giggle.

It feels _so_ good to have real laughter inside him again.

The only sour note comes when Raj’s phone rings and he answers it with a worried expression. “Howard? What’s up?... yeah, I’m working late, so... why would you call my office instead of my cell?... no, I was in the bathroom... I don’t care, ask Penny to play! I’m busy!” He disconnects with an abrupt jab at the phone’s keypad.

“I’m working late, huh?” Stuart asks. He’s been erased like this before.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! I just need time to work out how to tell them.”

“‘I’m on a date with Stuart’ would probably have worked.”

“Only if you want Penny to call me next and demand a blow-by-blow.”

“I don’t think we’re up to blowing just yet.” The words are out before he can stop them and he feels his face go scarlet.

Raj lets out a surprised laugh and then they’re back to just gazing at each other again. Raj slides his hand across the table to nudge against Stuart’s hand; Stuart hooks his pinky over Raj’s and squeezes. They sit like that, not speaking, just enjoying the moment, until the waitress comes by to clear their plates.

 

The movie theater’s only half full, which is strange this early in the movie’s run, but it means that they find seats up the back, Raj not so subtly maneuvering them to the corner away from other people; Stuart sits to his right and sets his popcorn down on the next seat over, out of the way for the time being.

Stuart’s not at all surprised that Raj takes his hand as soon as they sit down. Their fingers intertwine easily, settling on the armrest between them. Then Raj discovers that the armrest flips up and raises an eyebrow at Stuart, who saves his breath by flipping it up himself and moving in a little closer to lean against Raj.

The moment the lights go down for the previews they turn to look at each other in the shadow-dancing darkness, and it’s like someone created a mind meld between them because they both lean in to close the space between them at the same time.

Raj’s lips are as soft as Stuart remembers, with the added bonus that this time he’s not sloppy drunk. In fact, he’s downright reserved compared to last time, until Stuart lifts his free hand to play through Raj’s hair (which is indeed gelled, although not as much as he’d thought). Then he licks at Stuart’s lower lip at the same time as he slips his hand around the back of Stuart’s neck, fingers ruffling through Stuart’s unruly curls.

(Neither of them, if asked, could name a single movie for which there was a preview.)

Stuart lets his own tongue slide against Raj’s, licking into Raj’s mouth, teasing out the sensitive spot on the inside of Raj’s lower lip that makes him cling tighter to the back of Stuart’s head.

Raj disentangles their joined hands only to put his arm around Stuart’s shoulders. Stuart’s surrounded by warmth now and it feels good, so good. He squirms his now-free arm around Raj’s waist and loses himself in the kiss, feeling the heat coming off Raj like a little sun trapped in the body of a man.

Raj’s mouth leaves his and drifts down his cheek to the side of his neck. Stuart tilts his head and tightens his lips against the moan that wants to come out when Raj starts nipping at his skin. He’s dizzy with wanting, everything feels good, and he doesn’t want it to stop.

“God, Raj,” he whispers so low he’s not sure Raj will even hear. He feels Raj’s soft hum of agreement against his skin and shivers. He’s not sure if Raj is going to leave a mark but he doesn’t really mind.

Before too long Raj’s mouth seeks his out again and they kiss long and slow, lips and tongue working against each other, making minute adjustments as they learn what feels nicest. Raj’s hand is sure and steady against the back of Stuart’s head, his arm a pleasant weight across Stuart’s shoulders.

It’s with reluctance that they part when the movie begins. Raj leaves his arm around Stuart’s shoulders; Stuart has to pick up his popcorn and chew a piece very slowly, eyes fixed on the screen for a good ten minutes before the movie starts to make sense. It draws him in eventually but he’s constantly aware of Raj beside him, the weight and warmth of his arm, and especially the way the popcorn box keeps shifting in his lap every time Raj reaches in for a few kernels.

When the credits start rolling Raj turns his head and murmurs with his lips against Stuart’s ear, “That was fun.” Then he flicks Stuart’s earlobe with the tip of his tongue and Stuart forgets any response he was going to make.

“Are you always this forward on a first date?” he manages.

“Am I being too pushy? Oh God, I’m always too pushy.” And he moves to pull his arm away. Stuart’s left hand comes up and grasps Raj’s wrist, stopping him, and he hears Raj’s sudden sharp inhalation.

“I didn’t say I minded,” he whispers, turning his head so that his lips brush Raj’s when he speaks. Then he quite deliberately licks Raj’s lower lip; when Raj’s lips part Stuart catches that full lower lip between his teeth and bites down lightly.

There must be a post-credits scene – there always is – but neither of them see it. The next thing that either of them is aware of is an usher poking Stuart’s foot with her broom.

“Sorry to disturb you, boys, but you need to clear out.” She looks amused as they break apart and gather their things.

“Sorry,” Raj says.

“Hey, no problem. Just, you know, be careful. Other people might not appreciate the show.” She gives them a grin and starts sweeping as they leave.

Her warning means that they don’t hold hands on the way back to the car, but they’re walking so close together that it doesn’t matter. As soon as they’re in the car Raj reaches over to take Stuart’s hand.

“You have beautiful fingers,” he says, kissing each one in turn.

“Thanks. You have—” He’s about to say _amazing eyes_ , but then Raj sucks the tip of his index finger into his mouth and it sends a jolt of arousal through him that completely blanks his mind.

“Mmmm?” Raj enquires around his finger.

“Um.”

Raj releases his finger and gives him an innocent smile. Stuart rolls his eyes and catches a glimpse of someone standing only a few yards from the car.

“I think that security guard is watching us.”

“Oh.” Raj drops his hand like a hot potato. Stuart would almost be offended except that the security guard is definitely staring at them, and not in a happy gazing into each other’s eyes way. Raj starts the car and they drive back to the Comics Center in silence.

He’s expecting Raj to just drop him off, but instead Raj actually beats him out of the car and dashes around to open his door with a courtly little bow. Stuart gets out of the car, restraining a laugh.

“Do you want to come in for coffee?” he offers, trying not to think about his current living quarters; maybe he can keep Raj in the store itself.

“I think... maybe next time.” Raj punctuates this with a yawn that he manages to make apologetic. “I’m interested, I’m just exhausted.”

“Oh. Okay.” Stuart wonders just what it is Raj is interested in; it can’t be the prospect of boring instant coffee.

Raj gives him a bit of an idea about what he’s interested in by pulling him close and kissing him thoroughly goodnight. Stuart goes along with it more than willingly. Maybe things don’t usually move this fast on a first date but he hasn’t had a real first date since, oh, if he doesn’t count Amy because of Sheldon, then Penny, and _that_ ended so well.

He’s not quite sure how he gets Raj backed up against the wall outside the store, but he does, and there’s no room to slip so much as a dime between them. He threads his fingers through Raj’s hair and pulls lightly and Raj makes an interesting noise right into Stuart’s mouth.

They finally separate with great reluctance when a car drives by and the horn blares at them. Raj is breathing rapidly, his eyes half-lidded. Stuart feels pretty much the way Raj looks.

“This is—”

“So when—”

Both of them stop and laugh. Stuart tucks his hands into his pockets. Raj stretches, his shirt lifting to expose a stripe of brown skin. Stuart wants to lick it and has to ball his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms, to keep from dropping to his knees.

“Go on,” he says.

“No, you.”

“I was going to say, this is the best date I’ve been on in a while.”

Raj laughs. “I was going to ask when you wanted to do this again.”

“That depends. If I’m paying, it might have to wait...”

“I’m happy to pay,” Raj says quickly.

Stuart raises an eyebrow. “At this rate I’m going to owe you a trip to Disneyland when my turn comes around.”

“I can think of a few ways you could repay me.”

Stuart groans. “You sound like Howard.”

“Sorry. The sleaze rubs off.”

“Making it worse.”

Raj looks decidedly unrepentant. He pushes off the wall and tugs Stuart’s hands out of his pockets, squeezing them. “Next week?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll call you. Or I’ll see you Wednesday.”

“You know where I’ll be.”

Raj kisses him one more time before getting in his car and driving away. Stuart stands outside a little longer, looking at the stars. To him they’re pretty jewels in the sky, little diamond chips on black velvet. He can remember a time when they just looked like specks of ice in emptiness, a reminder of how pointless life was. He pushes the thought aside, pulls out his phone, and texts Raj.

_What do you see when you look at the stars?_

The answer doesn’t come until he’s back inside and stripping off to shower; he checks it while dragging his jeans off.

_Distance. Space. Light pollution from the city. What do you see?_

Stuart texts him back the diamonds and velvet thing and then ducks into the makeshift shower he’s had installed beside the toilet. If he splashes too much it reaches the bed; there’s really not much room back here. The water’s freezing but he shivers through it until the hot water kicks in. While he’s soaping himself he assesses his body, trying to see what Raj sees in him. Past partners have talked about his eyes and hair and smile. Apart from that he’s a textbook skinny geek. There’s got to be something to skinny geekdom, though, since he’s quite positive Raj isn’t feigning his attraction.

The phone beeps at him. Stuart debates getting out of the shower just to check it, but decides it can wait another couple of minutes; chances are Raj is just telling him he’s a pretentious artist anyway.

When he does get out of the shower he dries off hastily and flops belly-down on the bed, still nude, to check the message.

_Interesting :-) Where did you learn to dance? Is it just bossa nova?_

Stuart remembers the night of the bossa nova and sadtinis; wonders if Raj meant something more than friendship with his dinner and movie offer. _My sister dragged me to lessons. No, I know a few styles. What’s your favorite color?_

_Green. Yours? & how many siblings?_

_Blue. Just me and Annie. She’s older. You?_

_Six counting me, four boys two girls. The others are still in India. Where did you grow up?_

_Santa Monica. College in Rhode Island, then back here._ Stuart rolls onto his back and wriggles under the blanket, unwilling to put the phone down long enough to find his boxers. _Did you always want to be an astrophysicist?_

_No. When I was a kid I wanted to be a Bollywood actor and dancer._

Stuart snorts. _You’d make a great belly dancer_ , he types, hitting send before he can rethink it.

_You might be surprised. I have a lot of costumes._

_I figured, Catwoman._ Stuart nibbles his lip, trying to think of something else to add, gives up, sends it. He gets back a _:-P_ face and _Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it._

_Who says I haven’t?_

_What did you get stuck wearing? Was it a bet?_

_If I say “not much” does that count? Not a bet._

_I have a vivid imagination._

So does Stuart, and it’s working overtime. He bats the memory of Raj wandering around the apartment in just a towel away. _Have you ever dated a guy before?_

_Not really. You?_

Stuart is reasonably certain that he’s not going to be able to explain in 160 characters or fewer. _I went to art school_.

_I bet you learned a lot._

_Use your imagination._ He’s willing to bet that Raj won’t come up with Rhys (first kiss, actually in high school, not college, and it had been tentative and rushed and a one time thing) or Scott (first sort-of male college date; three months of fooling around) or even Bethany (first woman to tie him up, put lacy underwear on him, and call him “princess”, and he’s _still_ not sure how he feels about that).

Raj takes a long time to reply, and Stuart starts worrying that he’s pushed it too far. Which isn’t fair, really, since Raj started them down this path, but since when has his brain ever been rational?

Finally his phone beeps. _What did you major in?_

It occurs to Stuart that Raj could’ve been preoccupied with his imagination, which is... well. Kind of hot, to be honest. It’s a long time since he’s been the object of someone’s attraction. _Illustration_.

_Cool. How come you didn’t pursue it?_

Oh, great. Just what he wanted to discuss.

_Had trouble finding work, got depressed, gave up._ He considers elaborating, can’t think of anything to say, and sends the message. The glow is starting to fade off the evening; when he checks the time he’s unsurprised to see it’s after midnight.

_I’m sorry. It must be hard._

_Yeah._ That’s not enough. _But if I didn’t work here, I wouldn’t know you._

_I’d miss you_ , Raj fires back within seconds. Despite the encroaching sadness, Stuart feels the smile return to his face. And it really does do something to push the sadness away. He’s talked to his share of counselors and therapists and so on in his time and more than one had suggested faking it til he made it, and maybe it’s not entirely bullshit.

They keep texting back and forth until one in the morning, when Stuart can’t stop yawning and informs Raj that he has to get up for work in the not too distant future. Raj sends him a message that’s nothing but _xoxo_ over and over until the screen is full.

Stuart snuggles down under the sheets, closes his eyes, and it seems sleep has never come so easily.


End file.
